I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
