Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Terrible idea I love it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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