Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
