1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
did you just send me my own nude
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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