There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
