Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
