its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
