Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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