tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
