im six kinds of drunk right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize