Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize