do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize