final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
