There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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