he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize