is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize