Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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