That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize