i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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