Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
two words: eviction party
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
