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Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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