PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
