Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
