Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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