Sry I called you an 8
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
