good thing vaginas are great cup holders
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
