She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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