Betty ford says i'm here all night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
