Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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