I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
