Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
