i think my tv is drunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
