3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
