He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
