His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
