you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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