I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
