The maid of honor just puked.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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