roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
