imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're like the curious george of whores
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
