Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
