he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
