So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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