i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I want to be your penis for a week.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
