We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize