I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
