I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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