He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
