hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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