What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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