My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
