she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
