Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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