Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
