you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
