was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
