Someone shit on the floor
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My penis needs a shock collar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
