how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
