Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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