Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
