i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she peed on how many people?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
