I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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