Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
