just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
