Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
