i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
